happy bday mom

today is my mom's bday. she had turned 48. it feels so good we can celebrate it together with her and sis and my bf tho my little brother couldnt come. and the thing that she was here not working is the best part. we had dinner together, the four of us, me, tirto, sis and of course mom. its good to see my mom get along with my bf. she gave him the biggest welcome to the family and im so happy, very very happy.

im wishing for a long-healthy life for her, may God always be with her, good at job and everything she does and im thank her for being such a world's greatest mom for us. amin. we gave her pasmina and tasbih as her bday present. hope she'll like it.

happy bday mom, we love you.

?

this morning i woke up with the worst feeling ever..

i feel so bad and left alone. i was too angry to tell. disappointed because my holiday plans had to be canceled for an odd reason. disappointed because when i feel mess i ran into my bf but he gave me that look like he doesnt want me to be around him. i might sound silly like my bf told me last night, but i swear that is how i feel..

i thought thing could get better when im with him, but it didnt. i've become the victim of my own expectation. i was expecting and hoping too much. and in the end i dont even know what im hoping for. what do you think im hoping for?


im hoping for you, hugging you and tell you how angry i am. but where are you?


ps: happy bday mom.

It's a disgrace. It was a clear goal

Sunday, June 27, 2010
England v Germany

4-1 for Germany. Well a big salute for them. Klose was great as always and so was Muller and the goalkeeper. But there was a story behind eng's second goal. yeah it was disallowed. idk but it was a goal. i saw it, and it was! but again FIFA said, "NO GOAL LINE TECHNOLOGY" So the goal for England was disallowed. i know England better not use the disallowed goal as an excuse, The German Team were shining bright. but as england's royal fan, im very disappointed. i mean a worldcup without england? Lampard's goal was a real goal before the ref acted like a real twat but sadly it didnt help. well. congrats Germanians, just remember, this is not about go home, this is about go big. you played well, but england will always be the land of football.

HOLIDAY

hi everyone! hows your holiday treating you these past week? mine was... mmm, full of surprises. im going to center java next wednesday with my family. im so excited because after all this time my mom was working like crazy and now finally she had time to go on holiday with us! andddddd.. not just that, next months im going to jogja!! yeeeaah finally he asked me to go with him on a holiday again haha its been 7 months since the last time we gone together...soooo.. its kinda odd but i cant stop smiling :D :D imagine my self taking picture and writing something about that and ohhh i cant waitttt!

i know classes will begin this monday, but i really dont want to miss this time! a little skip will be okay right? oya, bad news, my left shoulder and my left hand were hurt. i dont know why, so im going to see the doctor on monday, see if he can fix it. because its annoyed me a little.

i'll be gone for 5 days, i'll miss my bf so much. no... i mean i miss him already now. hehehe happy holiday yall, i'll write again soon!

The moment I saw you, I knew it'd be the closest I'd get to being... close

Relationships just can't stay the same, can they? Can't always be lovely and lush and not full of weird silences all the time. People can't always be perfect, 'cause that's not real, is it? It's not real 'cause things change. Don't they?

it isn't easy to tell you this, so that's why I'm writing,and anyway I don't want to talk about it with you.i loved you from the first time I saw you. I think I was 18. It took me 2 years to pluck up the courage to love you this much and I was so scared of the way I felt, you know, loving someone. I learned how to become a sarcastic bitch just to make it feel normal. I screwed guy to make it go away but it didn't work. When we got together, it scared the shit out of me because you were the one person who could ruin my life. I pushed you away. I made you think things were your fault but really, I was just terrified of pain. I screwed everything to kind of spite you for having that hold on me and I'm a total fucking coward. I couldn't stand it. I didn't want to be a slave to the way I feel about you. Can you understand? You were trying to punish me back and it's horrible. It's so horrible because, really, I'd die for you. I love you. I love you so much it's killing me.I've tried to stop thinking, but it doesn't work. You don't expect stuff to happen; you can't control it, you can't control anything.

my day

why cant you trust me when i gave you my trust?

PAPA

happy fathers day, daddy! frankly, i just knew if there was a fathers day! all the times i only know about mother's. so daddy,thanks for always loving me. even tho you're not here,im sure you're always there for me, for us.for me, every day is about you. tho i dont remember clearly about your voice,about the way you look at me,about the way you talk to me, about to the way you mad at me, i always remember the way loved me.i always remember that you are the best dad i ever had and you will always forever in my heart. i miss you everyday for the rest of my life but i promise, i'll be tough for you. keep the sky for me, dad. i love forever,even when death had separated us.


happy fathers day to tirto's dad too.

good morning, cikung

meaow everyone! meet the most adorable cat in the world, Cikung! i wrote about everything in my life except her when she was one of the cutest thing ever happened in my life. haha. actually she's not mine for real. she's a wild cat who often come to t's since last year, but because we thought she's very very very cute, so we decided to take care of her. T gave her a name. cikung, what a weird name for a cute thing like her, but t said, cikung is good, so its good :p i gave her a full name, its cikita and sometimes hacikung \:D/

its been almost a year we keep her. she had 6 kittens now. we lost 3 of them ( coro, ciri and xx ) and the rest are still there ( not yet have a name ).and they were as cute as their mom. you have to see! they still couldnt walk properly and one of them likes to play with tirto's toe! cute!

cikung and coro

coro, the lost boy :(

new member of the gang



her twitter account -> @ccikung
have a meaow day :D

Camera Obscura makes me incredibly high

im listening to camera obscura right now and as always, its so beautiful. i love Tracyanne's lovely and sweet voice.i love every tracks. some of them,have no idea what it means,cant guess but i think it tells a thousand words. i cannot believe how good they are!
every song of their album is the one that got me!if i could only listen to one song for the rest of my life this may well be the song i would choose.highly recommended!

random thoughts

this morning, when I opened my facebook page, I saw my daissypath anniversary ticker, it says 1 year, 6 month, 3 weeks, and 3 days. wow, it was that long. but i feel sad. these days, our relationship is going through many bad situations.we were fighting again and again. our problems is not even a real problem. it's just that we seem never agree about anything. my yes is his no, and his yes is my no. everything becomes so sensitive. is it me or is it us?
it should be, the longer we're together, the more suited us well. but we didnt. after all this time, now it seems we are back to where before we knew each other, a complete stranger. im so sad, and im sure he's upset, but frankly i just dont know what to do...

the nicest thing

All I know is that you're so nice
You're the nicest thing I've seen
I wish that we could give it a go
See if we could be something

I wish I was your favourite girl
I wish you thought I was the reason you are in the world
I wish my smile was your favourite kind of smile
I wish the way that I dressed was your favourite kind of style

I wish you couldn't figure me out
But you always wanna know what I was about
I wish you'd hold my hand
When I was upset
I wish you'd never forget
The look on my face when we first met

I wish you had a favourite beauty spot
That you loved secretly
'Cause it was on a hidden bit
That nobody else could see
Basically, I wish that you loved me
I wish that you needed me
I wish that you knew when I said two sugars,
Actually I meant three

I wish that without me your heart would break
I wish that without me you'd be spending the rest of your nights awake
I wish that without me you couldn't eat
I wish I was the last thing on your mind before you went to sleep

Look, all I know is that you're the nicest thing I've ever seen
And I wish that we could see if we could be something
Yeah I wish that we could see if we could be something

HARI INI AKU SENANG SEKALI

BENCONG

before you read and see more, promise me you wont laugh.

you're about to see me as a sexy hot flirty girl.well, at least i tried to be like that tho the result is.. creepy.







sometimes,i really want to look a little bit girly, a little bit flirty, but no matter what, i still look like "maksa" and totally not good, not me. see? i look more like "bencong" in these photos. HAHA. dont blame me if after seeing this pictures you cant sleep well yaaaaaa :D

goodnight pretty faces.

stop

have you ever been in one conditions where all you need is just stop? when you sick and you just feel like you dont want to feel anything?

i wish things can stop for a minute right now..

IT'S TIME FOR AFRICA!

world cup 2010 has officially begun kids! football's lovers, this is your time!



it seemed only yesterday i stayed up late watching the world cup with my dad and i cant believe it was 8 years ago! France won world cup 2002 and Zidane was my dad's hero. and 4 years ago, i still remember i put the match schedule behind my bedroom door. pretending to sleep when in fact im watching the game so my mom wont be angry :p and now here i am waiting for the next match, england vs united for world cup 2010. time was so fast as fast as 2 x 45 minutes on the field.

8 years ago was my first world cup. i was 12. and my first favorite team is France while Sis was a royal supporter of Italy. i think she fell for Del Piero and Totti (sorry for mis-spell) and me, i love France because my dad said so. the three of us, me, dad, and sis, were a good fans of world cup which means we only watch the game when the world cup is on hehe. 4 years ago, me and sis watched it without dad, so im not really into France anymore, im sorry daddy, but the zidane's heatbutt tragedy really broke my heart. and here we go, now i vote for Spain and England and a little whisper for Brazil. why are they? haha im sure you must already know. but let me be clear, here's my reasons..

casillas,spain

beckham,england

kaka,brazil

my three brightest stars on the field. i'm sure almost every girl on the planet watching a football game for them. a very girly and silly reasons but could make me be a part of the biggest football party in the world. but whatever you reasons, happy world cup, happy watching, happy screaming, i hope your team wins but im pretty sure this year is my teams year. so get ready to be sad :p enjoy world cup, its time for africaaaaaa!!!!!

cant buy me love

these are the photos that I took last December in Batukaras. for the first time I used a black-and-white film in an analog camera.first I think these photos will fail because I opened the back of the camera several times since its installation doesn't quite fit. but the result turns out to be very good.















pretty good isnt it? using an analog camera is not as easy and as cheap digital cameras, but the result is far more satisfying than a digital camera. the result is more "talking" and "has a soul" and myself are very interested, I really cant wait to buy another roll, go somewhere and taking pictures and write something about it. Other photos can be viewed on my facebook account.

random thoughts

together doesnt mean you have someone. having someone doesnt mean a happy life.



sometimes when you feel bored and wasted, you just want to be alone. but not that simple. you're hoping for someone behind the trees,pays attention to you,take care of you.but you, your self, not paying your attention to him, to what he had done to you, you're too busy playing with your feeling of bored and wasted.


something that hurts now will bring happiness in the future ..

HEARING GOODNESS II

it took long enough to bring me back to the show and Hearing Goodness has made me, you know like some one of a kind show, and people are dying to be part of it. part of something they called "oh yes i was there!" from like almost everyone.



The Jugular has stolen my heart at the first sight. as an opening,they're really awesomeness. that night they played as Arctics Monkeys. but one that is very fascinating for me personally was when they sang Unfinished Business from White Lies. i cant help my self singing along with them really! Next, we've got Winter Issues that hypnotized everyone with Alma Matters from Moz. They came all the way from the capital together with Beverages who continued running the show. Beverages invites us to party with Oasis. They dressed and acted like The Gallagher's Brothers which a little 'interesting'. but overall,their performance cool enough to sway everyone. Blur's lovers will be glad because we've got Cuddle Pop up next. such burning passion that night, Cuddle Pop brings everyone to the front.head bagging to the rhythm and everyone was singing along.

this is what we're waiting for, Kameramen, as JoyDivision, put everyone under their spell. everybody singing, everybody dancing, and i was the part of the crowd that night! everybody dance to the radio until love tears us apart! Some people said that Kameramen a little sounds like The Porno, post-punk band from Jakarta, but from my glasses that night, although they breath at the same air, they have a different lung. and it really makes me lost control!

not only just that. we still have LDS who also screaming for love will tears us apart but with a very different style. i mean it. besides the female vocals, LDS changed the "gloomy" side into something more colorful and more party! everyone grabs your beer! next, a little cooling performed by Ansaphone. they gave a little touch of shoegaze that night. Jack and Four Man,with a female guitarist, re-burn the crowd with The Libertines.although it was late,everyone doesnt run out of enthusiasm to keep singing along until The Big Bright Yellow Sun end that night.

If you were there, you know exactly what I mean. If you weren’t, hopefully this will give a little indication of what you missed. Nights like this underline, and reinvest in, the perennial glory of rock. – a great gig.

email for dad

hi,dad!

i need a little help from you. god, i really wish you were here right now. talking to you and look you in your eyes, daddy im in doubt.
i cant see with my own eyes. everything looks wrong. everything i do, everything i say, everything is wrong for everyone. repeatedly i say that this is something that honestly from my heart,and this is right, but no one supported me. so please help me to see, what i miss? what is wrong with me?
dad, you surely know, what im living right now is my choice. and i dont want to have to choose again. please daddy, tell me, what i'd choose right now is the right one. tell me, that all of this is worth to keep, worth to fight. because i'd lost you,the best man i ever knew,and now im this close to find my own best and i cant stand for losing him. pray for me dad. you know i need you more than ever.


yours

TIRTO'S DAY OUT

yesterday, i decided to skip my class and off to work with tirto.

throughout the day, mostly i just sat and waited.i try my best no to bother him and his friends.they talk about woods and sizes. i dont understand at all.so i just stare and look around and smile and hope my smile can help him stay motivated :p
then after the woods-thingy are done, we went to the worker's house.it was late at night and its freezing to death.this is my first time went with him to work so my minds was on the blanket at home already and wondering when all this thing will finish...but all those feelings disappeared when I saw that he describes with great detail about his work to the worker.he's very smart and very good at his job.esp at his age.it makes me very proud of him.so im now crossing my fingers,hoping he'll succeed at whatever he does so that he could make me more proud than now.deep inside my selfish heart,i'm really proud and happy and all my love for him.

\:D/

now playing

my heart always skips a beat everytime i hear this song.

daftpunk-something about us
It might not be the right time
I might not be the right one
But there's something about us I want to say
Cause there's something between us anyway

I might not be the right one
It might not be the right time
But there's something about us I've got to do
Some kind of secret I will share with you

I need you more than anything in my life
I want you more than anything in my life
I'll miss you more than anyone in my life
I love you more than anyone in my life

i dont have any word to say how much i love this song. it kinda hurts, isnt it? the lyrics are so simple but it fits perfectly with something thats been driving me crazy for the last year and half. the craziest thing is even we were apart for several reasons we just found out how to get back together because my feeling for what we had is something different. we were never really a cute and romantic couple but we would come and go. and i never really told my true feeling the way i should, the way this song describes them,we might not be right for each other, we might never work together. I've accepted he's the most important thing I ever had, still I just turn away because I am scared of being left alone again. I refused to say goodbye, but I dont know it's the only way he can be happy is being with me or with any thing else. And it's too painful. To love somebody so much - to have "something between you" - knowing that you have no clue to have so many feelings and being "incompatible".