Relationships just can't stay the same, can they? Can't always be lovely and lush and not full of weird silences all the time. People can't always be perfect, 'cause that's not real, is it? It's not real 'cause things change. Don't they?
it isn't easy to tell you this, so that's why I'm writing,and anyway I don't want to talk about it with you.i loved you from the first time I saw you. I think I was 18. It took me 2 years to pluck up the courage to love you this much and I was so scared of the way I felt, you know, loving someone. I learned how to become a sarcastic bitch just to make it feel normal. I screwed guy to make it go away but it didn't work. When we got together, it scared the shit out of me because you were the one person who could ruin my life. I pushed you away. I made you think things were your fault but really, I was just terrified of pain. I screwed everything to kind of spite you for having that hold on me and I'm a total fucking coward. I couldn't stand it. I didn't want to be a slave to the way I feel about you. Can you understand? You were trying to punish me back and it's horrible. It's so horrible because, really, I'd die for you. I love you. I love you so much it's killing me.I've tried to stop thinking, but it doesn't work. You don't expect stuff to happen; you can't control it, you can't control anything.
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