Wednesday, January 27, 2010

in the end

there are times we have to put our interests concerned above personal interest. and whatever happens, just believe that everything is for our own sake. although there must be sacrificed, but never afraid to sacrifice something for a thing that we want to preserve.

talk again later.

Sunday, January 24, 2010


there are times when i want you to be with me. and when you said you can't.i don't do complain. there are times when i want you to care. and when you said you weren't that kind of person. i don't do complain.there are times when i wanna be your special one. and when you said i will never be. i don't do complain. so zipped your fuck off and save your thoughts because i don't do fucking complain.

im cutting this fight out,boy. fighting you is such a waste. you know that.

Saturday, January 23, 2010


i found this on the internet and i love it so much

my 'bun' is not the short version for honey bunny or another bunny. but i like this picture a lot. i feel cute,girly,and so lovely. actually, i really hate when people ask me why am i called bun, because i couldn't explain it. dont ask just call me.

Friday, January 22, 2010


Metamorphosis is a biological process by which an animal physically develops after birth or hatching, involving a conspicuous and relatively abrupt change in the animal's body structure through cell growth and differentiation. Some insects, amphibians, mollusks, crustaceans, Cnidarians, echinoderms and tunicates undergo metamorphosis, which is usually (but not always) accompanied by a change of habitat or behavior.

not just butterflies that can make the process of metamorphosis. but human beings can, too.

this is a thousand times ago.i forgot what year exactly. but i think it when i was still at junior high.look at me,im not really photogenic in this picture ( even tho now i admit i still not that kind of photogenic girl ), but seriously, i looked older than it should. i mean, i was supposed to be 14 or 15 years old. but i looked like "mba-mba" haha :) I found this picture in my friendster account, I wouldn't write the url because I think it was very, in the old time, was my sister's follower. I listened to every song that my sister heard. like Linkin Park. you can believe it or not, but until now I still remember all the lyrics of their songs.and I was loyal borrowers all my sister magazines. my sister 2 years older than me. she began to read teenage magazine when she was in 5th grade elementary school which means I started reading the teenage magazine since I was in 3rd grade elementary school. that's why I "grew up" very quickly.I was mtv's die hard fans. so you can guess, the contents of my playlist in those days it was the top 40 songs. I was Britney Spears's wannabe and BoyBand's lover. at the moment I don't care about the genre or style, i just love the song.since I was a kid, im never good at making friends. my close friends can be counted by the fingers. at that time, my sister is my best friend (and will always be) and there are some neighbors who could say as my close friends.i dont know why. but this habit continued until I was older. dont ask.

as i grew up. I started to have things that I like and things I didn't like. my first official boyfriend (when you are younger you have what we called "cinta monyet" isn't it? i think its not include official) is the emo-kid.and frankly, he's very affecting. I remember when I was in 1st grade junior high school, I was listening to bands like The Used and Taking Back Sunday. if you ask why, now I would say they have very good lyrics. deep. and in that moment I wanted to be a straight edge too. I don't know what straight edge is really hahaha. I always wanted to be what my boyfriend likes.yep, thats me.I was always busy pleasing others, people who I think is special. and once again, please dont ask.

life is always about hello and good bye right? after breaking up with my first official boyfriend, I returned to the 'real world'. back again to mtv's die hard fans. at that moment, when I was 16 years, Weezer rules the charts. and I really liked them. I also listened to bands like Dashboard Confessional, The Stokes, The Killers, Mew, and another cool bands. yes, im leaving emo's world.I have a relationship with several boys. but never end up well. but at the time I was in 2nd grade high school, I was having a serious relationship for the first time.

do you know about the beauty of meeting ?

i know a lot. ( fyi, my post will never mention about other people except my close friend,family and bf ). meet with someone who we think is special is something beautiful. especially when we meet with people who have much in common. it's like getting a soul mate, right? me been there and done that. as you known, I was the person who always wants to please people who I think is special, no matter what it takes.then, from this beautiful meeting I learned a lot.

being in a serious relationship has opened my eyes wider than before. besides getting a lot of positive feedback in the field of music and interaction, the biggest lesson is learning to adapt. adaptation is not an easy thing. in a relationship, there are two different characters that must always go hand in hand.adapt is not trying to be himself, but rather to try to understand and balance. because to understand is the best thing that ever existed in a relationship.although the relationship was over, I'm glad it ended very well. every goodbye will hurt, but I believe the time could handle it all. there is no point in regretting all that has happened, forgive and forget, it will be karma.

so here i am right now.a 19-year-old girl. still the same old me with the new version of how to think, how to behave and of course with the new songs on my playlist ( im a swedish indie pop's junkie ). a 19-year-old girl who wants to grow up and are impatient with the changes she would naturally. a girl who really appreciate each meeting. a girl who wants to always be better than before.I am very grateful to anyone who has made me become better every day.even though I will never be perfect, I really enjoyed every change that happens to me, in any case. there are some bad habits that still could be eliminated, such as emotional and temperamental, but I'll try hard to fix. now I'm in a relationship with someone who is very unique. and I hope his Uniquely can bring a good influence for me.

well this is me, 'the butterfly' newly passed from one stage of a long process metamorphosis.

Thursday, January 21, 2010


the second post for very bored.though i have a lot of things to do, but im on the top of my .laziest level. so here i am sitting in front of the computer nearly 20 hours doing nothing but tweeting about Canada and downloading songs.i need to go out. but all i have is friends to keep me alive.
so let me introduce a very good friends of mine who just helped me to surviving this boredom

camera obscura - lets get out of this country
This is the first song I wanted to hear after hearing the news about the plans to Canada. I'm really excited and impatient. How does it feel to be there? I will spend the end of the year there, I hope it will snow. This good news comes in times of very precise, when I was really bored here. Everyone was busy about their business. so better to lets get out of this country.

Chicago-We both Reached The Gun
actually I forgot the title of this song. but this song is really funny. you must listen. the lyrics are also very exciting. sounds like conversation, but using the simple words and full of meaning. This song was actually a bit similar to my story that happened a few days later, but I dont want to dedicate this song to him. I just liked the song and the way they sing it.Google it and found out the lyric :)

Amy Winehouse - Rehab
I was just watching Glee for the second time. and I love this part where they sang this song plus the coreo. The film was a bit inspired me to become a dancer, because I think im good at dancing. haha. This song also reminds me of my boyfriend because he likes Amy Winehouse. I usually hear this song from his laptop. And I now miss him more than ever.i met him for a sec today, his father was in town and he may be busy until sunday.

The Kinks-All Day and All Of The Nights
Me and my boyfriend should really live in The Boat That Rocked's era. sometimes everything so much easier if I want to say something through song. I dont need to shout when i'm angry, or I dont have to cry when i'm sad. Therefore I really want to live in those days, in those place.Oke back to the song, this is The Boat That Rocked's OST, have you watch this movie? you must.other than that cool songs, I really like the words they use. my favorite line is its just me and you, and im looking at your skirt. describes something simple but powerful. i dont know what you called, but I felt a strong chemistry on the line.and this song also reminds me again about my boyfriend when he was in my room, listening to ipod while doing architect's things.

She & Him - Change Is Hard
Zooey Deschanel was the most adorable thing on earth. i love her so much.and i love her song. But today I managed to sing this song with the piano. haha. :)

actually there are plenty of them. almost all the contents of my ipod. but I couldn't write it all down. what are you listening to? tell me.

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

blow out the candle i will burn again tomorrow

i just got the worst day of my life.a good thing in my life was suddenly transformed into a scary thing. people who aren't familiar shouting stupid words to me. the man i always thought "God", built his new religion now. they both spoke against me.left me alone and helpless.for a sec, i'm not sure how to treat them. their voice are too loud and shrill. im dead and i need help. and just right in time when i feel like dying, my mom called. she said, I got a scholarship for exchange students to Canada later this year.oh my god, its like a dream come going abroad!i cant describe how i feel. all my sadness magically gone. i feel so waw. my mother promised me to take care of everything. all the documents and everything i need. she just asked me to study seriously and continue to practice my English skills. she also told me to forget everything that makes me sad.she says im not worth crying for something useless. but still i cant do anything but cry.but this time i feel life seemed so perfect.going abroad has always been my ambition since i was a little girl and now i will get it. and the best part is my family and my boyfriend will support me fully.

so you can call me whatever you want, i dont care. you guys weren't my friend not even close. and all i can say now is, im sorry im fucking busy planning on my Canada :)


I'm very excited. although I would feel sad for sometime but I'm sure I'll be fine. i couldnt happier than this. I want to celebrate with my boyfriend today.

laugh along people.

Thursday, January 14, 2010


what a day!

my teacher canceled typography me and my girls decided to having sit back relax time at campus. previously, we want to do our paper together, but when girls meet girls, you know what will happen, gossip and photo's time.

me,nanda,via,dinda,dita,ghessy,and ririt

it was fun.there is no topics that we discussed.most of us just laughed.i dont know why, we just think that each of us is funny.we also recorded some videos.i do the dancing queen dance with ghessy and ririt.i swear,it was the most embarrassing thing trough out this semester. you should see how crazy i was in the video.i will try to upload it after this.and you must see it! firstly, we do the same choreo, but than three of us going wild and busy with our own dance. at the end of the dance,because the architecture students who were in the next door building began to realize the "madness" we made, we changed the position to be siting and doing "dinding bak dinding" face was so god damn ugly.

here is our dance position,i was in the middle, the crazy one

the point is,im so happy today.all the problems that haunting me these past days magically disappear.though my boyfriend was away from me for a while,i dont speak bored's language. and it makes me very comfortable.

i couldnt ask for another great day.

i missed the eclipse today.the sky was too dark too see. how about you?

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

letter from alice

dear you,
this morning,when your eyes aren't the first thing i see, my world was suddenly shattered.what is wrong with us? minutes ago,you still singing my name.although i didn't spell it correctly, your name is the melody of each my song.i think you heard me well,and it turns out i was wrong.

do i really break your heart again?

i've read letter from you.and i can say that yes, i loved you too.and when i read the part where you decided to go,you can never imagine how sad i was.i couldn't survive without know i could never.

so where are you now? i really need to see you. there are a thing or two we must discuss.separation isn't an option for our relationship,i'm sure you know it.please don't go,because we both know that we're really need each sorry for everything that happened.i was wrong and i regret it.i was expecting a reply from you.whenever you feel better,just knock on my door and i will welcome you.

you should know,that i love you more than the sun loves the moon.
and i hope you feel the same.


Thursday, January 7, 2010

me and your lover's identity


just an ordinary girl,pounds,chipped front tooth,cute,born in a town,a student,your nextdoor-girl,she wants candles married to her womb by the color of telescopic saint, so thats all her children will be adventures in light.

how are you ?

i feel like a box full emotions. i got a whole bad hair week. thank god it was all over. and the first week back to campus, tired to death. my assignments are like nightmare without sleeping, haunting me whenever im at. haha kinda over but yes there are. rain, still wont be my friend. keep pouring in everyday for the whole month, never missed a day. a part of me was dying to bed, like i wanna sleep until januari is over. another part is falling apart, i have no passion for doing my assignment, but i know i have too. and ever since my boyfriend wasn't here for a while, thats make me double. i miss him like so much. and the rest is blank. it is too much feeling until i dont know what kind of feeling is that. weird, yes.

but a little part is happy. im happy. my hair officially back just like before. not really like before but yes it is STRAIGHT! and my relationship is so much better.just to remind you, couple days ago, mine is hitting the rock again again again and again. i hope there wont be another fight between us. and speaking about fight, at the end of year 2009, i've got a cat fight with a friend of mine, and by this post i am terribly sorry for whoever feel it for using bad language.and once again, i hope there wont be another fight between us.

my uas will be held on januari 26. 2 weeks to go and after that another holiday. maybe i will spend my 7 days free at home sleep late and doing nothing. because to be honest, i really need that. i have new books. 3 new books. Perahu Kertas by Dee, i finished it in a half day. i love it a lot but too bad the story is too predictable, Lonely Planet : Indonesia Edition, finally i have this so-expensive book. actually, i want to give this book to my boyfriend as new year's gift but i want to read it too, so we share it and i decided to look for another gift, it is Soe Hok Gie,Sekali Lagi, my boyfriend likes him,so when i found this book at Gramedia, i bought it. But because he wasnt here, i read it first and i cant stop being amazed. he was such a man. im not into politic too much, so i dont really like that Gie's politic side,but another side of him, the pecinta alam thing really got my attention. please do not have a thought that because i dated a guy who is into nature and whatsoever,makes me magically like that thing too.i mean, if its good and positive,why not? i recommended this book.really.even my mom,she said she wants to read it too.

i current listening to led redbone feat zooey deschanel - baby its cold outside

did i ever mention about my travel blog? im working on it. i hope i will able to post it very soon. sit back relax dear friends.

right now, im going back to hell-ality. i have to make 38 x 50 typography thing. really, i dont want to do this. i hate coloring thing, i hate poster color. i love typograhy but this time, please dont make me to do this. poor me. and btw, i will join The British Institute very soon. maybe next week. because the placement test is in Sunday - Friday before three and this week i dont have time for it. happy first week in January! ye ye ye.

Saturday, January 2, 2010


happy new year wishing you a very great year a head.third day of the new year,how you guys feeling? i feel like being so messy right now. i should go living this whole new year with a very happy feeling, but right now right here, i feel like i have no passion to do a thing or first post in 2010 should be a very cheerful post, full of wishes and hopes and how thankful i am for everything i had right now. but im very sorry, im too broken hearted to celebrate something.

my new year's eve was perfect. i mean, i couldn't ask for more.he was right here by my side, the first person who gave me a nice kisses and hugs. but there is something really bothering my mind. geez, for a second of my life, i wish i could eat my worried away. or throw it somewhere else. yes, by noticed my words, you'll see, im in the dgajdgsajfgskjfgskf problem. it is too complicated to tell and a long long long story, and yes again, i am so sad. i cant hardly save my own self from that feeling.

it was me. not him. he was alright. as far as i knew, he loves me and that's all i need to know. it was me, im trying to give him full support and full understanding. i do my best to give him the only word he needs to feel, a okay with that. there's no thing i couldnt do to make him happy. but one thing still hanging in my mind, did he ever think about my feeling? when he said something about comfort in our relationship and i said, i'll fight for it, did he ever think about it? what if i feel uncomfortable? would he position him self as i positioned my self right now? i dont know.

everybody have their respective activities. everybody has their priorities.but life must go on. dont ever blame anything that is not supposed to run on other people.look at your self.look at the people who you blamed.what they really wrong? look at our own self. we must learn to adjust to situation but everything have to live together in balance.This is only a small part of life we will lead. don be so chaotic as this is the most difficult phase in your life.relax and everything will be just fine,i promise.dont be such a troubled for your own self, look at me and people around you, we all here to support you.stay focused but dont forget wherever you are.

i swear,I feel much better when I finished writing this post.

have a great life.