Monday, May 31, 2010

night mare side

my boyfriend died.

he's no longer my boyfriend,but he has become my husband. one day, tirto was out with fikong,who is one of our best friend.he suddenly came into our house and give me the news that tirto is dead. he said tirto died of wounds and blood loss. "what wound?" i asked, "i wounded him with cutter". i dont remember what i felt at that time. i cried and cried. i kept saying that i cant live without him. our families were coming and they all told me to let it go. but im still crying, "this is too soon". then, I was looking for fikong, I was very angry with him. "I dont believe you did this to me, I was your best friend, and you killed my husband, who is also your best friend too!" and fikong gave me many reasons that I really dont want to hear. I was crying and kept saying that this is not real. but he's gone and i feel so sad like my world is falling apart like i dont want to live in the world where he doesnt exist.

...and finally i awoke from my nightmare. thanks God. gosh, I cant imagine if this happened to me.I knew this would happen, death is a sure thing, but please not now, not in a million years.last night before I sleep, I'm being a little annoyed with Tirto. I'm disappointed because we had to cancel vacation plans again. and I kept telling myself if I could go without him, I kept saying that I would be fine with or without him and then i dream such thing, no, i am desperately not going to be fine without him.


Friday, May 28, 2010

saturday story


i dont wanna be sad again




when you were with with me,the world became black and white,its better for me because it all seemed to stop and remain on it the best feeling ever..


hi! hows your longweekend doing? i actually hate all weekends, but no one in this world hate the beautiful of long weekend, so mine is great!

last wednesday, tirto and i went to lembang after a million years. i was thrilled! we both have our own favorite place in there, we've been there since we're not together, since we're still friends and everytime we get there,i always feel like the happiest couple in the world,like no one else but us. everytime we were there,we always talk about everything, our old times,childhood memories,funny friends,movies,our future,our kids,jokes,anything. as we talked,he didnt stop holding my hand,touched my cheek,and sometimes he whispers that he loves me.cant stop smiling while writing this post :p

we spent the next two days together. there is a funny thing every time we are together,we were both busy with our own laptops.the difference is, I'm busy playing games and updating my twitter timeline and while he is busy with tasks and work.sweet! sometimes we're holding each other arms but still busy with our own blackberries. it makes me upset a little, but it is a funny thing about us.things that make me always miss him.


This makes my long weekend was very great. may be highly usual for some people, but to me nothing better than having my quality times with my loved ones at my lovely place.

have a blast friday night. drive safe, party safe.

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

just for laugh

im having a very bad day yesterday and i promised my self its not going to happen again today. i keep distance from my phone and i do everything to stay away from everything that makes me sad and angry. it works tho only a bit. well,i did a little experiment with photoshop today, I tried to change myself into na'vi, the avatar girl...and this is it..


I KNOW WHAT YOU THINKING!i look more like a blue girl with chickenpox than na'vi right? haha dont blame me,this is my first time tried it.not really messed up for a beginner like me :D i'll try again tomorrow and finger crossed people,hopefully i can be the cuter na'vi just like i hope tomorrow will be a better day and any other day.

i love yous.

Sunday, May 23, 2010

one point five


yesterday was the best Sunday in the last 4 know how it feels to feel very sure about you really believe that he is the best for you were not afraid of anything while he's there next to you.yesterday, i feel these things.i feel like so happy more than i couldn't imagine.i feel like i dont want it all ended.i want forever,stay like this forever.i am desperately in love.
today, one day after,we were fighting for the very first time after always,a very tiny thing screwed up.i admit my too emotional side and i do understand your stubborn side always be the reason for our problem. fighting is normal for me. we did it a lot and we survived it that i think about it now is when we are going to stop this? we just celebrated our day yesterday. we should be better now. we should be able to more understanding each other.we should be able to learn from everything we've ever did.i didnt say what happened today is your fault.its our fault and yours too.and im so sorry about it.

i dont know if you will read this or not.if you read it,and you'll know it that i dont want what happened today happen again someday.fighting with you is something i dont like.for now yes, i was mad and upset and i dont want any conversation, and i know you do too.but just letting you know, i want us to be better and i need you to help us get through this and im sorry.

happy two and three again.

java's hidden beach : BATU KARAS


for some people batukaras had been no hiding place anymore. tourism and water sport lovers must already know about this place. this beautiful beach is located not so far away from Pangandaran, the main beach, its only one hour drive. this not the first time for me to get there, I've been there before several years ago.I dont remember much from my first, but I'm sure one that does not change,is the beauty of the beach.

the waves are friendly to the surfer,warm sun,fine sand,incredible views,calm winds,friendly natives,great seafood,and oh.. this place is like paradise. i really want to go back there, even im not a water believer, imagine me sitting on the beach, reading my book listening to the waves.. god, i couldnt ask for more.

- summer is the best time to come here, but you probably will be a little difficult to get the famous mushroom :D
- booked the hotel a week before your arrival and make sure you get the reservation note or something, in case they forgot about you ( out of mind but true )
- holiday season will make the hotel's rate becomes very expensive, like really really expensive.
- if you're going to spend the night in tents, dont forget to bring anti-mosquito and buy all of your stuff and take your extra money in Pangandaran,because when you get here,you will be a little hard to find store or ATM
- sunblock is a must
- a romantic place to go with your loved me

Friday, May 21, 2010

happy birthday, i love you

heaven knows moody rockstar Morrissey has nothing to be miserable about today, its his 51st bday! well, i cant find any right words to express what this man's music means to me.Who knows what my life would have been like without the Smiths and then later Morrissey solo. The world would definitely be less colorful. You see, writers like to paint his music as this grey and dreary thing. But that is so far from how I see it. It's colors, it's a warm breeze on my face, it's alive, it's life. It's love, it's loneliness, it's friendship, it's wanting, it's loss, it's lust, it's awkwardness, it's confidence, it's shyness. It's everything that a life is made up of ... if you're lucky. Happy Birthday Morrissey and thank you for the gift of your music.

Mr. Stephen Patrick Morrissey is more than half a decade old today, if you can believe it. Time to reflect on all the good sir has bestowed upon us. In Morrissey we trust, amen.

Monday, May 17, 2010

between me and you

hi dad!
i finally had time to write something to you.i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you so how are you dad? hows your heaven? you dont feel any pain again right there, do you?

dad, do you remember the last time we met? you hold my fingers and asked about paint for my room? my room is white and green now dad. i've got your picture on my desk. mom's too. you two are my everything. and i would give anything in my world to have you both forever in my arms, dad.


daddy,please pray for me,what im dealing with now..god it seems like there is no end.please tell me that i was on the right side.please tell me that i will be okay and all this will lead to, i dont know if i can do this without you..

i know this is wrong,but i really hope one day you come home to me and take me with you,take us with you,because i cant help missing you more each day i get up. im sorry for crying dad, sorry i always wrote you how mess up my life without you here, im sorry dad, i just miss you too much.

i gotta go,have a class to catch. talk to you later.

love you till death.

Sunday, May 16, 2010

i'm okay

in the last few days,i wrote 5 drafts and never post it.i dont know why,i just feel like what i write is meaningless.its not like i dont have any interesting topics to write about.i got plenty.many things that i want to tell through my blog,but i dont know why it was so hard to find the right words to describe it.

so im a grey's anatomy junkie right now.i cant stop watching im on season 6.i have a lot of time at home, alone. so i spend my time watching more than doing nothing.its good i think. my college was fine.i decided not to use pc or programs in doing my assignments.freehands is way better and a lot easier. my relationship is good. good as casual dating good. nothing special, i cried for him last tuesday because he wasnt here when i needed him the most,and then we spent a lot of time together this week,more than other weeks,so im happy, he makes me happy, and today i found out that he has 'special name' from his friends and im not happy about it,but im good,too good to be true.

and now im going back to my grey's,have a very beautiful night.and no worry about anything.

Sunday, May 9, 2010

my sunday story : PHARAOH RULES

i can tell you that this Sunday is the bloodiest Sunday of the month. i was working on my assignment of creating the safari park map, with the Egyptian theme. Which means i have to change the green and cool and wet Bogor into desert,arid,hot and Egyptian camel's stuff. my concept was perfect,as well as sketches,but its a lot difficult than i imagined.i chose to do it with manual method, you know my relationship with adobe illustration and any other pc-thigy were suck. so manual is my boy. easier but need a lot of accuracy........and thats the reason why my sunday very frustrating.

but at the end of the day,i met up with my bf.suddenly i feel okay and im done for today. the end is too beautiful to started all over again. finger crossed for my egyptian map and for you! PHARAOH RULES.

Friday, May 7, 2010

until i see you again

Why do you look so sad?
Did I say the wrong thing or
touch you in a bad way?
In a bad way

It seems you're changing moods
as quickly as a hummingbird flaps its wings
and I can't help but be concerned

You're living on silence
and living with your back turned to me
So i can't see you crying
So i can't see the tears stream down your cheek

But i can't help loving you
Even when i'm furious with you
Sometimes i hate myself when i do

Until i see you again
Until i see you again

Oh, I'd like to know
why you keep these secrets from me?
Why do you keep pretending
that there's nothing wrong with us
when you know there's something wrong with us?

You're living on silence
and living with your back turned to me
So i can't see you crying
So i can't see the tears stream down your cheek

But i can't help loving you
Even when i'm furious with you
Sometimes i hate myself when i do

Until i see you again
Until i see you again

my friend gave me this song.oh i can not help to say that this so is a lot like a moody mood could change very very quickly until you cant realize're living in silence is my boyfriend always says he hates my silence.he says he hates to see me crying.he told me to learn to speak all the time.Why do you keep pretending that there's nothing wrong with us when you know there's something wrong with us would be his line.pretending is my best way to keep everything right.because if there is something wrong,its not us,its i imagine id he dedicated this song to me...ah my older post, i dedicated it for him.

clik to download the song

Thursday, May 6, 2010

take me with you to japan..

It's so hard to think about the future
We're only in our early 20s
So much uncertainty about where we'll be
but at least we know we'll be together

Sometimes I can't work
Sometimes I can't sleep
Because you're on my mind.

When you doubt how much I care for you
it really hurts me.

I can't think of anyone but you
I can't care for anyone but you
Every month of the year
Every week of the month
Every day of the week
Every second of the day
I think of nobody else but you

Take me with you to Japan
Just close your eyes and we will be there

.... is that really you think i am ?


Your view on yourself:
Other people find you very interesting, but you are really hiding your true self. Your friends love you because you are a good listener. They'll probably still love you if you learn to be yourself with them.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:
Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates.

Your views on education
Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:
You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:
You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:
You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.

Who is your true self:
You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

the job and education part aren't me at all

Saturday, May 1, 2010

my saturday story

as always, i always had nothing to do on saturday. i have assignments actually, but because saturday only comes once in a week, i think its better having my self doing nothing than doing something. such a waste i know, but its good. i love good things.


all day long i just sit in front of my computer.swimming in the sea of the internet. talking to my friends via twitter and facebook. download few albums,stay tunes on my, blogging,even talking to stranger via omegle,dont blame me,i just an ordinary girl with dozens account haha im texting with my boyfriend too, it makes everything more perfect. oh my life wasnt that wasted. its good. too good to be true until you have to jealous about it.





so i can tell you right now that our teenage years weren't wasted just because we dont have a date on saturday. treat your self well before you ask somebody else for it.

give me five!